Grief and Gratitude: Holding Both

I took a pause from writing last week, as I needed some downtime — time to be with family, to sit in the beautiful chaos that comes when generations gather, and to take a few moments for myself. Sometimes life requires our full attention, and other things that are important, but not necessary, can wait.

My time with my family here in Aotearoa, New Zealand, has been filled with laughter, shared meals, and stories — some old and some new. I’ve always loved listening to my grandparents share their memories, even the ones I’ve heard many times before. Sometimes, just by asking a simple question, a new detail emerges and the story opens further, my imagination painting pictures of how their lives were lived.

My grandparents grew up in very different times, shaped by experiences that sometimes seem unimaginable, yet here they are, sharing their memories of the past. I often wish I could inscribe their stories somewhere permanent, so I could recall them easily whenever I wanted. One day, their voices won’t be here to tell those stories again, and knowing that makes me hold on to every chance I have to listen.

My time here has also felt heavy. I lost my first grandparent last week — a loss I felt very deeply. I had only just been reflecting on how blessed I was to still have all my grandparents living — how precious they are, and how they are woven into the fabric of who I am today.

I experienced this loss just a day before we gathered to celebrate a milestone birthday for another grandparent. Along with the loss came an awareness of the questions I didn’t have the opportunity to ask. I found myself moving between grief and joy — deeply sad for what has been lost, yet grateful for the time and moments I still get to experience with those who are still here.

Holding loss and life together feels heavy at times, but it’s also meaningful. It’s a reminder of how fragile time really is, and how important it is to stay present — honouring those who have gone before us, while embracing the moments we still have to enjoy with others.

~ Rhonda ~